2 March 2012

Facebook Spiders

This is, in my eyes, the most pretentious thing I have ever done, and I say that full in the knowledge that I sleep under a print of Van Gogh's 'Starry Night'. However, I do have reasons for giving this a try: firstly, with only Facebook at my disposal I am limited to whoring out my musings a bit at a time and then checking every minute for the next hour to see how many likes I get. This is unproductive at best. A blog, however, will allow me to ejaculate all of my accumulated thoughts/rage/perceptions in one burst, saving me time and effort and therefore providing me with more opportunity to stalk people on Facebook.

Secondly, I'm curious. I'm curious to see if this will evolve into something, if anyone actually reads it and if I will actually stick to doing it. I doubt all of that, but I buy a lottery ticket every week just so I can validate my twice-daily millionaire fantasy under the assumption that if I want it to happen, I have to meet it half-way. If I want a legion of fans hanging on my every word*, I have to start somewhere.

Thirdly, and most importantly, I want somewhere to raise awareness about what is the most terrifyingly awful thing that we as a race must endure...spiders. Did you know that there is a type of spider that has evolved a way to breath under water? I'm sorry, I don't think you heard me - UNDER WATER. Now, when you flush a spider to it's righteous death down your bath plug-hole, know that it's just waiting. It has seen your face and is currently devising ways to revenge-kill you and your family as soon as you take that plug out. They hold grudges.

If it's an incentive at all to read my next attempt at this or even follow me, think of this as Batman Begins. A great movie, but it has nothing on The Dark Knight. (I just want to make it clear for everyone that yes, I am comparing myself to Batman and my writing to the work of Christopher Nolan. It brings us back nicely to how pretentious I am. And it's true.)

Humans unite!

*read 'every word' as 'crotch'.


  1. Possibly the most awesome blog post I have ever read. lol

    1. Thanks :) I do have a huge appreciation for your prof. pic as well :p

  2. Spiders continue to be a source of endless fear and frustration, we must unite to eradicate this 8 legged menace! But then again, they do help keep the mosquito population down for me in the summer. I'm torn! >.<

    1. I dunno man, if I put a net over my bed and saw a few mosquitos buzzing about I could sleep soundly...the same cannot be said of spiders :s


Feel free to tell me what you think, suggest things for me to look into or just plain abuse me!